One year ago, I had a first in my life as a doula. I supported my first VBAC or vaginal birth after Cesarean. I remember the day vividly for a number of reasons. I won't go into all of the details here, as that birth and all that transpired that day are another woman's story to share. Suffice to say, the experience was pivotal and memorable for me.
Since that time, I've had the opportunity to support more women that are seeking a VBAC and VBA2C. In working with each of these women and their families, it's clear to me that though the reasons for their first births by Cesarean vary, each of them wanted the freedom to choose something different for their next birth.
I've also supported women who've given birth via Cesarean and choose a
repeat Cesarean (RCS). As a doula, I support women in the birth they
choose. What matters is that
the woman is making the choice that is best for her baby and for her
specific situation. For some, this is VBAC and for others it is RCS. While I am a very big supporter of VBAC, I am not
anti-Cesarean or RCS birth. What I am not okay with is when women don't
have the option to choose or when they are coerced into a RCS with fear based information from their care provider or other source.
I'm thankful that I live in an area that has hospitals that are staffed appropriately to accommodate VBACs (24 hour on site anesthesiologists) and even more so, that there are a handful of doctors who are committed to supporting their patients' wishes to give birth vaginally. I'm also thankful that there are some skilled midwives that attend women who've chosen to give birth at home and are seeking out a VBAC at home or an "HBAC." I'm quite aware that there are areas around the country and even here in California that simply "do not allow" VBACs. The lack of options and freedom to choose is frustrating, especially when ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) issued
this statement as part of their latest VBAC guidelines released in July
of 2010.
"Attempting a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is a safe and
appropriate choice for most women who have had a prior cesarean
delivery, including for some women who have had two previous cesareans..."
You can read the press release on ACOG's website here and the full Practice Bulletin on ACOG's site here
It is also covered in this statement from the National Institutes of Health
There are a number of organizations that are working really hard to bring awareness, advocacy and change to the state of maternal child health care in this country. A few are focused on Cesarean awareness and the need for VBAC to be made available as an option to all women who are seeking one. Here are a few of them:
International Cesarean Awareness Network- ICAN
VBAC Facts
VBAC.com
Cesarean Rates
American Pregnancy Association
Birth Without Fear (an online community dedicated to supporting women's choices in childbirth- whatever they may be)
I'm a part of San Diego's ICAN Facebook group and have thoroughly enjoyed reading women's stories and journeys they've shared. There have been dozens of VBAC stories shared, as well as some who've chosen RCS. I've asked a few of these women if they would be wiling to share their VBAC birth story with me, so that I can share it with you. I felt like it would be helpful for others to read women's
experiences of why they chose a VBAC and what the process was like for
them. I'm excited to share these stories in this series: Why I Chose VBAC.
4.02.2013
Why I Chose a VBAC :: Brooke
Brooke's Birth
What was the reason for your initial Cesarean birth?
This
one is a little touchy for me. My surgical reports say CPD (Cephalopelvic Disproportion) and failure
to descend. However, I truly believe I was cheated on my experience. I
was induced and I believe my body and baby just weren't ready yet. I was
uneducated and too trusting of my then care provider. My previous OB kept
pushing my due date up saying baby's growth was ahead and I didn’t
think anything of it. Towards the end of my pregnancy he kept talking
induction and I kept saying I wanted to wait and let my body do its
thing. At one of my last appointments he said, "If you don’t induce by
Friday, I’ll be upset," and used several scare tactics. Note here that I
had a perfectly healthy, textbook pregnancy. So, in I went that
Friday. (Thankfully I woke up that Friday with very sporadic
contractions, which gives me the tiniest peace about my son's
birthday). I was extremely scared of Pitocin, so asked for my water to
be broken instead (*hitting face with palm!*). My labor was pretty textbook. I walked
in at 3cm, water broken at 7am. I wanted to go without drugs but had
horrific back labor and got the epidural around 10am when I
was 5-6cm. I was complete by noon and was told to start pushing with
each contraction. Of course I couldn’t feel anything, so I was just
pushing-- who knows how effectively. I was on my back and continued
this for two hours. Nobody told me to roll to my side, etc. My baby
got to crowning and just wouldn’t budge. My OB tried forceps and the
vacuum, albeit very gently because I was scared of these, and I could
feel my son almost coming out but just wouldn’t have it. So,
after 3 hours of pushing, the C-section was called. The room fell. At
this point it was full of nurses and people waiting to take care of a
baby about to be born! I didn’t know what to do. I just felt as if my
body failed and I wasn’t built to have babies. Throughout the whole
pregnancy and birth I didn’t feel as if I had a choice or voice, so I
just did whatever my doctor said.
Why did you choose a VBAC?
This
was really easy for me. I chose a VBAC because I felt that giving birth is
what my body was made to do and my first attempt at delivering was a 'failure.' I wanted my second shot at it. The thought of rupture was
never a fear for me.
What were your fears and concerns (if any)?
My only fears in pursuing my VBAC was not getting it! I wanted it so badly that fears of my body not cooperating were always lingering in the back of my head. Mostly, fears that my baby would be malpositioned. I guess that's not really related to a VBAC per se, but just labor in general. However after my first birth and being told that baby was asynclitic and that it was my body's fault for it, I had a fear that my body wouldn't know what to do. My son was breech/transverse up until around 34 weeks, so I was pretty nervous about this. Once he flipped I tried to keep my stress levels down and just have confidence that things would progress positively. It was definitely a mental battle at moments but I just tried to keep as positive as possible.
My only fears in pursuing my VBAC was not getting it! I wanted it so badly that fears of my body not cooperating were always lingering in the back of my head. Mostly, fears that my baby would be malpositioned. I guess that's not really related to a VBAC per se, but just labor in general. However after my first birth and being told that baby was asynclitic and that it was my body's fault for it, I had a fear that my body wouldn't know what to do. My son was breech/transverse up until around 34 weeks, so I was pretty nervous about this. Once he flipped I tried to keep my stress levels down and just have confidence that things would progress positively. It was definitely a mental battle at moments but I just tried to keep as positive as possible.
What was the biggest challenge during pregnancy and then during labor and birth?
Having the confidence to know my original provider wasn't supportive/truthful and seek out the proper OB. When
I got pregnant the second time I was still with the same OB. At my
initial appointment they said, "Your last delivery was at 39w3d." My jaw
dropped. I mean, I knew what my original due date was, but somehow I
believed all that talk about baby growing ahead of schedule and therefore
needing an earlier due date. But I was lied to, all that pushing
forward was BS. I was PISSED to say the least. I felt so, so cheated
at my first birth and immediately asked about VBAC. I always saw the
Physician’s Assistant and she said I could definitely go for it.
However, after my 20 week ultrasound I began discussing a VBAC with
my OB. He pretty much said, no go. He scared me with shoulder
dystocia, that my pelvis was too small, that I would severely harm or
kill my baby, that if I were his daughter he wouldn’t ‘let’ me have a
VBAC. Well, I had been researching VBACs, births, the female body, and I
knew at this point that what he was saying wasn’t true. I knew in my
heart of hearts that I was going to get my VBAC, but at this point I
wasn’t sure who I was going to get it with. My husband and I left that
appointment and after the tears dried, I began exploring my options.
I had done a little provider research earlier in my pregnancy and had read about Dr. Cobb here and there. I went home and started doing my due diligence. I scheduled a meeting with Dr. Cobb and also with another local doctor that came recommended from a few friends. My husband was scared to switch because of the scare my previous OB gave us. However, after we met with Dr. Cobb, we just KNEW he was for us. My husband knew I wasn’t crazy for wanting the VBAC, saw the truth in what I've been saying and I think felt relieved that we had a doctor on our side and that he wouldn’t have to be my spokesperson. He felt completely railroaded during my first birth and was a little scared about how we’d be treated again. A weight was off our shoulders after that.
I had done a little provider research earlier in my pregnancy and had read about Dr. Cobb here and there. I went home and started doing my due diligence. I scheduled a meeting with Dr. Cobb and also with another local doctor that came recommended from a few friends. My husband was scared to switch because of the scare my previous OB gave us. However, after we met with Dr. Cobb, we just KNEW he was for us. My husband knew I wasn’t crazy for wanting the VBAC, saw the truth in what I've been saying and I think felt relieved that we had a doctor on our side and that he wouldn’t have to be my spokesperson. He felt completely railroaded during my first birth and was a little scared about how we’d be treated again. A weight was off our shoulders after that.
During labor and birth, my biggest challenge was continuing to have confidence in my body and also dealing with the pain/exhaustion since I was hell bent on going natural. My contractions started in the afternoon and I distracted myself by having my final moments with my son. We went to the park, had dinner and put him to bed. Then things picked up and I labored through the night; so I was EXHAUSTED. My team was amazing. They all had faith in me and when I asked for something ‘to take the edge off’ they all just said ‘you’re doing it, you’re almost there, you’ve got it.' No one gave in and I had 100% support, even in the nursing staff. Since I was so determined to go natural, everyone supported that, even when I was a whiny youknowwhat.
While pushing, I wasn’t sure about my body and I didn’t know if I could have 100% confidence in it. I was a scared my baby would get stuck again. I think if I didn’t have such a supportive team, I would’ve been much more emotional about this. Dr. Cobb just kept reassuring me that I was doing it, the baby was coming and to be patient, that my body was working. My mom reiterated saying that the baby was further than my first ever got. I feel so lucky to have had so many cheerleaders in the room! Every single person was positive and supportive. Without that I think I would’ve had a lot more emotional hurdles to jump. They gave me confidence when I started to second guess myself.
How did you prepare for your VBAC?
Research
research research! Because of my previous birth and what I was told,
in the back of my head I wanted to prove everyone else wrong and prove
that I COULD give birth. Give my baby all those added benefits, avoid
major surgery and also bond with my child right away. I did everything
I could to align my body. Yoga, swimming, Spinning Babies,
chiropractor, and acupuncture. My husband thought I was crazy. My thoughts behind all of this preparation was if I ended up with another Cesarean, I wanted to know I did absolutely
everything I could and not look back and say ‘what if I tried this?’ I
became a VBAC and birth expert. I knew it would be more beneficial to
go natural and studied Hypnobabies to help with pain management. I also
had a very supportive family. My husband was my coach, as was my
mother and younger sister. They all got familiar with my plan and made
sure they knew what I wanted.
How did you find your care provider and were they VBAC supportive? If so- how? If not, did you think they were and they ended up not being so? How did you respond?
I
guess I touched on this above. I found Dr. Cobb just through online
research. I was actively on the Babycenter VBAC Support Board and they
often referenced ICAN chapters, so I joined San Diego’s. After reading
about Dr. Cobb online, then hearing what all the lovely ladies of ICAN
had to say about him, I met with him. I’ll admit, at first I was like
‘what’s with everyone drinking the Cobb kool-aid around here? How
different can an OB be?’ Ha! Little did I know. The best part about
Dr. Cobb is his faith in the female body and his respect for his patients.
Very rarely do you find a doctor that doesn’t want to take control or
have some sort of a God-complex. But here he was, this quiet soul in
the corner, your cheerleader, telling you that you are whole, that you
are healthy and that you can do it. What was also comforting to my
husband and I was that he was so smart and medically trained, that God
forbid something went wrong, we knew he could handle it. What more
could you ask for? My VBAC with him was such a beautiful experience.
I couldn’t believe what childbirth could be like! I
felt empowered, I guess, but really it just felt right. My sister, who
is 23 and studying to be a nurse, said afterwards that ‘this is
what I want to do!’ She was a part of my first birth as well so she has
seen both sides and knows I was cheated the first time. My mom said, "now that’s how a baby
should be born." She was completely blown away. So, those little
things were very cool to add to my experience. If I had stayed with my
previous OB the amount of stress carried would’ve been massive. It
would’ve been a completely opposite experience.
To sum it up, my first labor was a medically orchestrated event and I
was just a puppet. My VBAC was mine, nobody elses, and my baby and I
were the main event.
What would you say to a woman who's considering a VBAC? How would you encourage her?
In my circle of friends, I’ve become the VBAC/natural birthing
girl. I'm pretty outspoken about it. A close friend of mine told me
that if she didn’t see me do it, she would’ve just had another C-section. She
went on to VBAC successfully. She then tells others about her
experience, so it really makes me happy that I’ve made this teeny tiny difference... that maybe this little ripple will do something
eventually. I have really become a cheerleader for VBACs and women
knowing they deserve to have control of their births. When I talk to
women along the way or when I have friends who face the choice, I have
no problem telling my story and I offer to talk with them about it if
they would like. I tell them that I did a ton of research and if they
want me to pass anything along to them I’d be happy to. I open the door
and if they want to take it, then great! But it is also hard for me
because when I hear people scheduling a RCS for no reason, specifically
because their doctor scared them into it, it makes me scream inside. I wrestle with how can I can be the encourager without stepping on toes. I try to
tell them it’s so safe and best for mom and baby, but I leave it at
that. It’s hard for me, but understand that they are grown adults and each
make her own choice.
Why I Chose a VBA2C :: Robin
Robin's Birth
What was the reason for your initial Cesarean birth?
I think it was probably the interventions. I was young and I trusted my doctors. My first baby's birth was hurried along with Pitocin, drugs, and breaking of my water. As a result, my baby boy went into distress and I had an emergency Cesarean birth. My second was a scheduled repeat C-section.
Why did you choose a VBAC?
I had two C-sections and felt that I was missing out on the experience of birthing my child, of acting on my own to bring my child into this world. Had the C-sections been truly necessary I'm not sure I would have felt as strongly about this.
What were your fears and concerns (if any)?
Initially, fear of uterine rupture, but I did my research this time.
What was the biggest challenge during pregnancy and then during labor and birth?
I was totally stressed out about having to justify my decision for a VBA2C when I reached the hospital. I was told upfront I would need to sign a waiver when I got there. Choosing a home birth resolved this fear and I was able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.
How did you prepare for your VBAC?
Reading books on natural birth, especially by Ina May Gaskin. I did the Hypnobabies home study and daily prenatal yoga exercise.
How did you find your care provider and were they VBAC supportive? If so- how? If not, did you think they were and they ended up not being so? How did you respond?
I was with Kaiser, so I saw the midwife at my local office. She was pretty supportive, but let me know that not every doctor would be, so it was good that I knew all the facts and would be able to get them across to them. I didn't want to have to do that while I was in labor when I wanted to concentrate of everything going right. I got recommendations for homebirth midwives from local ICAN members and never looked back.
What would you say to a woman who's considering a VBAC? How would you encourage her?
It was an absolutely life changing and a life affirming experience. I'd recommend a natural birth with LOTS of preparation. It more than paid off.
What was the reason for your initial Cesarean birth?
I think it was probably the interventions. I was young and I trusted my doctors. My first baby's birth was hurried along with Pitocin, drugs, and breaking of my water. As a result, my baby boy went into distress and I had an emergency Cesarean birth. My second was a scheduled repeat C-section.
Why did you choose a VBAC?
I had two C-sections and felt that I was missing out on the experience of birthing my child, of acting on my own to bring my child into this world. Had the C-sections been truly necessary I'm not sure I would have felt as strongly about this.
What were your fears and concerns (if any)?
Initially, fear of uterine rupture, but I did my research this time.
What was the biggest challenge during pregnancy and then during labor and birth?
I was totally stressed out about having to justify my decision for a VBA2C when I reached the hospital. I was told upfront I would need to sign a waiver when I got there. Choosing a home birth resolved this fear and I was able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.
How did you prepare for your VBAC?
Reading books on natural birth, especially by Ina May Gaskin. I did the Hypnobabies home study and daily prenatal yoga exercise.
How did you find your care provider and were they VBAC supportive? If so- how? If not, did you think they were and they ended up not being so? How did you respond?
I was with Kaiser, so I saw the midwife at my local office. She was pretty supportive, but let me know that not every doctor would be, so it was good that I knew all the facts and would be able to get them across to them. I didn't want to have to do that while I was in labor when I wanted to concentrate of everything going right. I got recommendations for homebirth midwives from local ICAN members and never looked back.
What would you say to a woman who's considering a VBAC? How would you encourage her?
It was an absolutely life changing and a life affirming experience. I'd recommend a natural birth with LOTS of preparation. It more than paid off.
Why I Chose a VBAC :: Jessica
Jessica's Birth
What was the reason for your initial Cesarean birth?
The baby was posterior, stuck at -1 station after 2 hours of pushing. I had an epidural for many, many hours (labor was 29 hours total until the C/S). The OB said I could try to keep pushing, but she didn't think he would budge and suggested a C/S. Turned out the baby was 9lbs., 1oz and had a very big head. I was also very swollen from the pushing. I guess the official "reason" was failure to progress.
Why did you choose a VBAC?
At first I was leaning toward a repeat Cesarean (RCS) due to a lack of enthusiasm from my care provider and fear on my part. But I saw how much easier it was for a few friends who had vaginal births and I also started doing some of my own reading. I learned about the risks of repeat cesareans and the benefits of vaginal birth. I also desperately wanted to succeed at breastfeeding (which I hadn't with my first), and I knew vaginal birth was a major factor in that as well.
What were your fears and concerns (if any)?
My major fears about VBAC were that I wouldn't be able to have one after all! My major fear about having an RCS was a repeat postpartum hemorrhage or other complications that had happened with my first. Also, thinking about the recovery time while caring for a two-year-old was another consideration. After my C-section, I had a delayed postpartum hemorrhage, and my OB at the time said I probably shouldn't risk labor if I had another baby, because she felt my uterus would be too weak or damaged and labor would put too much stress on it. The CNMs and OBs at Kaiser when I was pregnant with my second didn't seem concerned about it when I told them my history.
What was the biggest challenge during pregnancy and then during labor and birth?
My pregnancy was pretty textbook and fairly easy until about 36 weeks when my blood pressure went up. They started talking about emergency C-section or induction. At 37w5d, they decided to induce and I thought my dream of VBAC had gone out the window. Fortunately, a Pitocin-induced labor turned out to be quite easy and quick and the VBAC happened after all.
How did you prepare for your VBAC?
I talked with a friend who was a doula and student nurse. I talked with my care providers. I read about it online. I wish I was a part of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) back then!
How did you find your care provider and were they VBAC supportive? If so- how? If not, did you think they were and they ended up not being so? How did you respond?
I was and am with Kaiser, so I didn't have too much of a choice. I mostly saw a CNM, who was neutral on the topic but not discouraging. The OB they had me see kept suggesting I schedule a C-section. I was reluctant and asked if I could schedule it for 39w5d or something. I guess I was hoping I'd go into labor spontaneously before they could cut me open! Then I saw a different OB toward the end of the pregnancy who was much more pro-VBAC and reassuring about it and said he thought I was a good candidate and there wasn't any reason I shouldn't have a trial of labor. Then I ended up being induced at 37w5d and having the VBAC after all.
What would you say to a woman who's considering a VBAC? How would you encourage her?
I would let her ask her questions and express her fears. I would tell her my story (stories, actually - I've had two VBACs). I would talk about the easier recovery time and the benefits to mom and baby. I would tell her about the risks of repeat C-section, especially multiple repeat C-sections. I would tell her there's no reason not to try. If she has a supportive birth team and her birth ends up as a repeat C-section, she'll know she made the right decision and go into it willingly and with eyes open. I would also tell her to come to an ICAN meeting.
If your VBAC became a repeat Cesarean birth, how did this feel? Were there differences this time?
It didn't, but I definitely considered how I would feel if it did. With my first VBAC, I was so gung-ho and determined that I think an RCS would have been, at the least, a real bummer. I would have been upset about it but I also would have known it was necessary. With my second VBAC, I think I was more relaxed about the whole thing and willing to take what came. As it happened, I had a spontaneous natural birth, so I had nothing to worry about. But again, I knew enough about C-sections by that point (and was involved with ICAN) that I felt I could make an informed decision if one was suggested or needed.
Jessica write about birth, babies and related issues on her blog- jessicaonbabies
What was the reason for your initial Cesarean birth?
The baby was posterior, stuck at -1 station after 2 hours of pushing. I had an epidural for many, many hours (labor was 29 hours total until the C/S). The OB said I could try to keep pushing, but she didn't think he would budge and suggested a C/S. Turned out the baby was 9lbs., 1oz and had a very big head. I was also very swollen from the pushing. I guess the official "reason" was failure to progress.
Why did you choose a VBAC?
At first I was leaning toward a repeat Cesarean (RCS) due to a lack of enthusiasm from my care provider and fear on my part. But I saw how much easier it was for a few friends who had vaginal births and I also started doing some of my own reading. I learned about the risks of repeat cesareans and the benefits of vaginal birth. I also desperately wanted to succeed at breastfeeding (which I hadn't with my first), and I knew vaginal birth was a major factor in that as well.
What were your fears and concerns (if any)?
My major fears about VBAC were that I wouldn't be able to have one after all! My major fear about having an RCS was a repeat postpartum hemorrhage or other complications that had happened with my first. Also, thinking about the recovery time while caring for a two-year-old was another consideration. After my C-section, I had a delayed postpartum hemorrhage, and my OB at the time said I probably shouldn't risk labor if I had another baby, because she felt my uterus would be too weak or damaged and labor would put too much stress on it. The CNMs and OBs at Kaiser when I was pregnant with my second didn't seem concerned about it when I told them my history.
What was the biggest challenge during pregnancy and then during labor and birth?
My pregnancy was pretty textbook and fairly easy until about 36 weeks when my blood pressure went up. They started talking about emergency C-section or induction. At 37w5d, they decided to induce and I thought my dream of VBAC had gone out the window. Fortunately, a Pitocin-induced labor turned out to be quite easy and quick and the VBAC happened after all.
How did you prepare for your VBAC?
I talked with a friend who was a doula and student nurse. I talked with my care providers. I read about it online. I wish I was a part of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) back then!
How did you find your care provider and were they VBAC supportive? If so- how? If not, did you think they were and they ended up not being so? How did you respond?
I was and am with Kaiser, so I didn't have too much of a choice. I mostly saw a CNM, who was neutral on the topic but not discouraging. The OB they had me see kept suggesting I schedule a C-section. I was reluctant and asked if I could schedule it for 39w5d or something. I guess I was hoping I'd go into labor spontaneously before they could cut me open! Then I saw a different OB toward the end of the pregnancy who was much more pro-VBAC and reassuring about it and said he thought I was a good candidate and there wasn't any reason I shouldn't have a trial of labor. Then I ended up being induced at 37w5d and having the VBAC after all.
What would you say to a woman who's considering a VBAC? How would you encourage her?
I would let her ask her questions and express her fears. I would tell her my story (stories, actually - I've had two VBACs). I would talk about the easier recovery time and the benefits to mom and baby. I would tell her about the risks of repeat C-section, especially multiple repeat C-sections. I would tell her there's no reason not to try. If she has a supportive birth team and her birth ends up as a repeat C-section, she'll know she made the right decision and go into it willingly and with eyes open. I would also tell her to come to an ICAN meeting.
If your VBAC became a repeat Cesarean birth, how did this feel? Were there differences this time?
It didn't, but I definitely considered how I would feel if it did. With my first VBAC, I was so gung-ho and determined that I think an RCS would have been, at the least, a real bummer. I would have been upset about it but I also would have known it was necessary. With my second VBAC, I think I was more relaxed about the whole thing and willing to take what came. As it happened, I had a spontaneous natural birth, so I had nothing to worry about. But again, I knew enough about C-sections by that point (and was involved with ICAN) that I felt I could make an informed decision if one was suggested or needed.
Jessica write about birth, babies and related issues on her blog- jessicaonbabies
4.24.2012
"You Win Some, You Lose Some"... Thoughts on Interviews
Within the first two months of this year, I interviewed with eight women who were looking for doula support for their upcoming births. Of those eight, four of them hired me and four of them found a better fit. I'll confess that when I heard back from three of them in a row that they'd chosen another doula, I couldn't help but ask myself why? Was it something that I said or didn't say? Did I talk too much? Did I leave out helpful information? Did I have spinach in my teeth? The more I thought about how the interviews went, I was reminded of what I've believed all along since starting down this path of doula work:
- There is the right fit for every woman and I am not always that right fit
- As my friend and fellow doula Val Peterson has said many times, "There are births that you are meant to be at and others you are not"
- For every birth that I am not supporting, another fantastic San Diego-based doula is, and I am so happy that a family has found the doula who felt right
3.11.2012
Beyond 40 Weeks... An Email
One of my best high school girlfriends sent me the following email that other day and I asked her, pretty please, if I could share it as I thought there might be many women who can relate to the sentiments she shares. She said that I could post if I included this disclaimer: "I am normally very rational and sweet-tempered!" Here's to a baby soon, friend... we're all pulling for you!
Hi friends-
So... my due date has now come and gone (it was yesterday), and I am still pregnant and getting more and more annoyed by the minute. I know I should be happy to have the baby make it to 40 weeks and yadda, yadda, yadda, but I'm still sick, my ankles are now swelling, I can't sleep, my back constantly hurts, and I'm just down-right GRUMPY! Since all of you can relate, you are going to bear the brunt of my crabbiness. Hopefully my effort to expel some negative energy into the following list at least makes you laugh!
TOP 10 THINGS THAT ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF AT 40 WEEKS PREGNANT
10. Everyone breathlessly answering the phone when I call.
9. People asking me if "I'm still hanging in there." As if I have a choice!
8. People's eyes popping out of their sockets when they see how big I am. Get a good look at the freak show, folks!
7. Even better, the people who apparently can't help themselves when they see me and exclaim, "Whoa!"
6. Men who claim that they "know what I feel like." Dude, just shut up. Just. Shut. Up.
5. People who gleefully tell me that God makes women uncomfortable in the last few weeks of pregnancy so that they look forward to labor. This is so dumb I can only respond with a blank look and walk away.
4. People asking me when I'm going to get induced. Like a ride on the Pitocin train will make it all better!
3. My coworkers walking into my office, feigning surprise, and saying, "Oh! You're still here!" Umm, duh. You're looking right at me.
2. People asking me how much I weight I've gained. See #8. Answer - "a lot." And beyond that, it is none of your damn business!
1. My coworkers asking, in front of a room full of people, about my Dr. appointments and whether there is any indication that the baby is coming. Do you honestly think I'm going to talk about the status of my cervix in a meeting? In front of my 60 year old male boss? Seriously!
Alright, off to scrub some floors....
K
2.27.2012
Pregnancy Loss and Infertility... Books & Other Resources
I was recently asked for some suggestions of books that might be helpful for couples who are dealing with pregnancy loss and infertility. I posted the question in a doula support community that I am a part of and thought I'd share the suggestions here in case they might be of help to anyone who's reading or knows someone who might be encouraged through them. I'm also sharing the comments from the women who made the suggestions.
I've not suffered loss or infertility myself... but I know a number of couples who have. Often, I'm at a loss for words and I think that's ok. While I know there are a number of books, as well as blogs and organizations (see below), I try to keep in mind that while some are looking for resources such as these, others are not. My usual rule is to listen and speak if it seems helpful or needed... but most of the time, to simply listen. Those who are looking for books or resources will ask or find them. Please offer the suggestions below with great discretion and only if you're asked. Be a friend and know that it is absolutely ok to not have answers. Your presence and willingness to listen and walk beside friends who are dealing with loss and/ or infertility is enough.
A says: "Here are 3 books that helped me through 3 losses... #1 and #2 have a Christian perspective to them, and #3 is a little more secular."
Silent Grief by Clara Hinton
Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt
Free to Grieve by Maureen Rank
C says: "I loved this book. It is written from a Christian perspective and does have some photos so it might be disturbing to some people. For me it helped to know what I might see and experience. I wanted as much information as possible about fetal development etc. so I loved it. It might be too much for others though."
Answers in a Time of Miscarriage by Bethany Marie Kerr
R says: "I will carry you is AMAZING- but maybe better for someone who had a stillborn. But still Amazing. The second was was great for me after having 2 miscarriages in a row before I got my 3 boys."
I Will Carry You by Angie Smith
When the Cradle is Empty by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter
I have a few online organizations listed under the heading "Pregnancy & Infant Loss" on this resource page here on my site.
I've not suffered loss or infertility myself... but I know a number of couples who have. Often, I'm at a loss for words and I think that's ok. While I know there are a number of books, as well as blogs and organizations (see below), I try to keep in mind that while some are looking for resources such as these, others are not. My usual rule is to listen and speak if it seems helpful or needed... but most of the time, to simply listen. Those who are looking for books or resources will ask or find them. Please offer the suggestions below with great discretion and only if you're asked. Be a friend and know that it is absolutely ok to not have answers. Your presence and willingness to listen and walk beside friends who are dealing with loss and/ or infertility is enough.
A says: "Here are 3 books that helped me through 3 losses... #1 and #2 have a Christian perspective to them, and #3 is a little more secular."
Silent Grief by Clara Hinton
Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt
Free to Grieve by Maureen Rank
C says: "I loved this book. It is written from a Christian perspective and does have some photos so it might be disturbing to some people. For me it helped to know what I might see and experience. I wanted as much information as possible about fetal development etc. so I loved it. It might be too much for others though."
Answers in a Time of Miscarriage by Bethany Marie Kerr
R says: "I will carry you is AMAZING- but maybe better for someone who had a stillborn. But still Amazing. The second was was great for me after having 2 miscarriages in a row before I got my 3 boys."
I Will Carry You by Angie Smith
When the Cradle is Empty by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter
I have a few online organizations listed under the heading "Pregnancy & Infant Loss" on this resource page here on my site.
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